Themes

A Girl Called Ali

Name: Ali
Age: 24
Bisexual and proud
Loving Christian
Proud Gryffindor

Everyone has a story, here is mine. I was born to a loving middle-class family in a lovely neighborhood, with a rare craniofacial disorder called Apert’s syndrome, which fuses the bones in the hands, skull, arms, and feet. When I was little, I thought I was adopted because I looked different from my family, I felt different, but in reality, I have my mother and grandmother's facial features, especially the eyes, and my dad's tallness.
In public and in school for most of my childhood, I was often stared at or isolated because people didn't understand why I looked the way I did, they thought I was an alien, a freak, a monster, but I still had incredible friends and an amazing, supportive family who were there through all of the doctor's appointments and meetings, clinics, and over 25 surgeries that made it easier for me to live a healthy, happy life.
I am still quite proud of who I am, despite having a hearing loss, sleep apnea, epilepsy, headaches, and body pain for I have the proper treatments for this ailments and I would never wish to trade my life so I can be "normal" because it is overrated.
I am proud of the scars I have on my body from the surgeries, even the scars I carved into my body myself beginning my senior year of high school when I started showing signs of depression, anxiety, and depression. I am not ashamed of the dark path I took because I was able to get back into the light with the help of my two therapists in high school and college, Bobbi and Julia, even though Julia was the one who probably diagnosed me and had me hospitalized.
It was very traumatizing staying in the psychiatric ward, especially since I was only used to the ICU and it was nothing like that place, but it made me realize how lucky I was that I had such a great support system as well as the skills I needed to recover. Staying at a halfway house did as well and I continued to involve myself in extracurricular activities such as choir and theater and the Gay Straight Alliance at school and dancing and swimming so I could explore my passions and share them with friends.
I am also not ashamed of being bisexual, a sexual orientation I felt I have always been, but have never declared until my senior year of high school.
I am not ashamed of the bruises I received in my groin from the time I was raped, the scars and infections he gave me because even though he took my innocence, he couldn't destroy my spirit.
I began to show signs of PTSD with nightmares, flashback, fits of paranoia and stress, I still do but I have been clean for 5 years thanks to my courage and my family who have been there for me through thick and thin, regardless of their sadness when they heard I was raped. They are so overprotective, so kind and respectful, I don't know where I would be without them, it was indeed a wakeup call when the nurse at the hospital told them I had been assaulted after examining me, but their love for me has never faltered and for that I am blessed.
I do not blame God for letting me be hurt, I do not blame God for making me feel scared and alone even to this day because I know I am not alone. I am in charge of my choices, my path, my feelings and my destiny.
I am a believer, a dreamer, a romantic and a warrior. I refuse to give up, even if it becomes so hard to march on and as I study Child Development with the hopes of getting my AA degree and continue my job as a preschool teacher at Early Horizons Pre-School in Sunnyvale, I thank God for letting me make it as far as I have.
It is a dream come true working with my kiddos. I love working with them and after being through so much, I want to teach them anything I can about life and to help them grow and be happy. I could not be happier :)
It's still sometimes hard to go outside and face the world but that is why I have made this blog: to share my story, but to also inspire other girls and guys who struggle that they are loved, they are beautiful, they are amazing, etc.
It is a haven for anyone and everyone, no matter what any sexual orientation, gender, race, ethnicity, size, shape, height, etc. It doesn't matter what your flaws are, YOU are still YOU, YOU are still beautiful. I am here to help you in any way I can.
Don't be afraid to reach out to me, to ask for help, to cry. You can take care of yourself, you can be your own cheerleader, but it's ok to seek others. Of course no-one can help you unless you ask, but it's all right. A long journey begins with a single step. Don't be afraid to take that step. You matter. You deserve to live. You are loved. You are amazing. You can do amazing things and you will always be accepted here. Don't give up, you've only just begun.

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    #trigger warning #eating disorder #recovery #self-care
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